Your Career Does Not Define You

Picture this: You're having a conversation with someone when you are immediately hit with the question, “So, what do you do for a living?”

Hello? Why not take the time to get to know me first? Why is my career treated as though it defines me more than my interests, values, or the life I have built outside of work?

That’s the response playing in my head—the one I have to hold myself back from actually saying. Meanwhile, the response that comes out of my mouth is, “Oh, you know, still looking for a job.”

Ugh, how embarrassing.

Immediately, you feel like a total loser. The conversation comes to an awkward pause, and it feels like you just admitted that you do absolutely nothing with your life. Then comes the dreaded, “Oh, I'm sure you’ll find something soon," and somehow, the awkwardness becomes even worse.

So, why is asking what someone does for a living almost always the first question asked when trying to get to know them? Even when two people already know each other, someone inevitably asks how work is going. Of course, having a career is a significant part of adult life, but there is so much more to a person than what they do for a living.

I am not simply defined by a 9:00 A.M.-5:00 P.M. job. Outside of work, I have my own personality, hobbies, interests, and things that I am passionate about. Yes, I go to work to support myself and build a career, but work does not—and should not—define my entire identity. Why is basing what people do for a living over their personality a societal norm?

So, what about the people who do not have a job? Does that mean they have nothing going for them? Are they simply empty shells who cannot be defined by anything because they do not have a career?

I hate that discussing work has become such a routine topic of nearly every conversation. Why can't we ask people about what they enjoy doing in their free time or what goals they have recently accomplished? Personally, I think those questions carry even more meaning than asking about someone's job because they reveal more about who that person truly is, along with what they are passionate about.

Yes, many people are passionate about—and even proud of—their careers. What they do for a living may be something they have dreamed of their entire lives, and they should be proud and confident speaking about it.

But your job should not consume your whole life, nor should it define you. The kind of person you are should define you. The way you treat your family, friends, and those around you should define you. I have built a life outside of work that I would much rather be asked about—and am probably far prouder to discuss—than my professional career, whether I have one at the moment or not.

So, I guess the main point is that we spend so much of our lives answering, “What do you do for a living?” that we begin to mistake what we do for who we are.