Why Relationship Timelines Don’t Really Matter

Some people criticize relationships based on how long two people have been together. If a couple gets married after only a few months of dating, it’s considered too soon. A year? Still too soon. But if they’ve been together for five or more years and get engaged, then that must be the perfect time, right? I mean, the longer you're together, the better you know each other and the stronger your relationship is, isn't it? 

Not necessarily. 

People love judging other relationships based on when they get married, move in together, or take the next big step, as if the amount of time they've been together automatically determines whether they’re ready. In most cases, it doesn’t. If two people have a genuine connection, are in love, and are both ready to commit, why does it matter whether they’ve been together for eight months or eight years? 

Some couples can know each other better after a few months of dating than others who have been together for years. In fact, you could be with someone for years, get married, and eventually get divorced, while another couple who married much sooner stays together for the rest of their lives. Obviously, that is not always the case, but it shows that time alone does not determine whether a relationship will last. 

But think about it. Our parents and grandparents often reminisce about knowing each other for only a short time before getting engaged or married, and some have now been married for 40, 50, or even 60 years. When we hear those stories, we tend to think they’re sweet or romantic, but when someone does the same thing today, it’s suddenly considered “rushing.”

Modern-day relationships are judged so heavily by timelines and the idea that a couple has to hit certain “stages” before getting engaged. Some people think a couple should celebrate a certain number of anniversaries, move in together, reach a certain age, or check off some imaginary list of milestones before they’re even considered ready for marriage. Once they’ve done all of those things, suddenly getting engaged is seen as the logical next step. 

But who decided that was the right order? Every relationship moves at a different pace. What takes one couple five years to figure out may take another couple just one year. Reaching certain milestones does not automatically make a relationship stronger. Those milestones should happen naturally when a couple feels ready for them. No one should feel pressured to delay an important step simply because other people think the timing is wrong. 

Love also looks different for everyone. Some people know within the first few months that they’ve found “the one.” And if they’re so sure about each other, why can't they get married? Why should they have to wait for the “perfect time?” What if the perfect time is now? 

Time does not define love. It does not define how two people feel about each other, how strong their bond is, whether they’re ready, or how well they know each other. When you know, you know. So take that step. Be like your parents and grandparents and “rush.” Tell your own story. There is no perfect timeline—make your own.