Why Does Everyone Care If You're Having Kids?

Why does society put so much pressure on us to have kids? Once a couple gets married and doesn't have children right away, people suddenly have something to say. For some reason, everyone starts wondering why they have yet to have kids.

After getting married, maybe the first thing they want to do is simply enjoy married life and adjust to this new chapter. Children will come later—maybe.

For the longest time, having children immediately after marriage has been considered the natural next step. As soon as you tie the knot, the next question on everyone’s mind seems to be, “So, when are the babies coming?”

Except the question doesn’t stay in their minds. It gets blurted out every chance they get. 

At a family gathering: “Hey, when are you going to have kids?” 

At a holiday: “Any kids yet?”  

At a small get-together: “So, are you expecting yet?” 

Ugh. So annoying—and completely unnecessary. 

Some couples may take their time because they simply want to enjoy time together as newlyweds. They may want to get used to living together, settle into a new routine, and adjust to one major life change before taking on another. 

When you get married, your life changes. When you have a baby, your world changes.

Maybe couples just want to take one thing at a time. 

They may also want to make sure they are actually ready for children. It can be scary knowing that you are responsible for another human being and for always keeping them safe, happy, and healthy. Sometimes people need time to sit with that idea before deciding whether they are ready to take that step. 

But the real question should be: “Why do you care so much about someone else’s fertility?” 

Seriously. That is such a private and personal topic. Why do people feel so comfortable openly asking about it? Also, why does anyone care? 

Whether a woman chooses to have children is no one’s business besides theirs and their partner’s. And in many cases, it can be an incredibly sensitive subject.

Think about it. A couple may have been trying to conceive for the longest time without success. Do you really think they constantly want to be reminded that they still don't have children after trying for so long? 

Women may also be dealing with infertility or may have been told that carrying a pregnancy could be incredibly difficult—or even impossible. What are they supposed to say when someone asks why they haven't started a family yet? 

And sometimes, the answer is much simpler: They just don't want children.

As unconventional as that may sound to some people, not everyone wants to become a parent. That does not mean they dislike children or judge people who choose to have them. It simply comes down to preference and wanting something different for their own lives. Not everyone has the desire to start a family. 

There doesn't even have to be one particular reason behind that decision. 

Pregnancy may be something a woman never considered for herself. Someone may want to prioritize their career. A couple may not be financially prepared for the cost of raising children. A woman may not want to put her body through the physical and mental trauma of pregnancy and childbirth.

Lots of women struggle when they are postpartum and have a very difficult time taking care of themselves, caring for their baby, and prioritizing their marriage.

 Or maybe, two people simply do not see parenthood as part of the life they desire. 

Having a baby can completely change a couple’s routines, priorities, relationship dynamic, and can even create struggles within the relationship. Some couples don't want to take that risk, or do not feel that they are meant to be parents. 

 Everyone is different, and while there are those who feel like they were born to raise a family, others simply don't.

And both are valid. 

Having children and starting a family is a beautiful thing. Bringing a new life into the world and experiencing that chapter alongside your partner can be incredibly special. It is a new experience filled with so many exciting changes. If people choose that path, it can very well turn out to be a lovely experience that ultimately works out.

However, some couples would rather grow old with their significant other and build a fulfilling life around just the two of them. 

“But won’t you be lonely?” 

Maybe we want to be lonely.

“Who’s going to take care of you when you’re older?” 

Each other.

“Who will carry on your family legacy?” 

We will.

Life doesn't end if someone chooses not to have children.

Parenthood can be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling experiences in someone’s life. Bearing children can feel incredibly magical for a woman. But having kids is not the only way to have a meaningful life. 

So please, the next time you ask a couple when they’re going to start a family, consider how much weight that seemingly “simple question” holds. 

Better yet, don’t ask at all.